Why it’s so hard to write this…
Why is it so hard to write a eulogy to one’s own mother…
Our Mom’s life raising her children was only a chapter out of her whole life and legacy.
Today is January 28th, and Mom passed away on Jan 5th.
Mary Gee: The most beautiful Chinese Southern Belle of her time
Mary was born in poverty to Frank and Grace Jung in Macon Georgia. She was the oldest of their four children: Mary, John, Eugenia, and George.
She grew up in the one room home above their Chinese Laundry at 333 Mulberry Street, where they did the laundry for the Lanier Hotel.
She and her siblings went to the White schools, during the Jim Crow Laws. The Whites would not be friends with them, and the family endured harsh discrimination.
After school, the whole family worked in their Chinese Laundry. Mary, being the oldest was responsible for taking care of her brothers and sister.
Grandpa Jung was over 6 feet tall, Uncle John grew to be 6’6″, Mary and Eugenia grew to be 5’9″. Grandma Jung was only 4’10” but mightier and stronger than the rest.
Thanks to Grandpa, all his children were tall, beautiful, hard working, and dedicated to their parents, living in the harsh discrimination of the South.
If you wanted something, you have to work hard for it.
Grandpa and Grandma saved up the family’s hard earned money to move to San Francisco, where their children could meet other Chinese people.
Grandma and Mary went to San Francisco first, to find a place to live, and set up a Chinese Laundry on Polk Street. Work became doubly hard for the two of them, but the shroud of Southern racism was gone.
Grandma and Mary were very close. Nobody was going to take care of them except each other. Eventually, Grandpa moved the rest of the family to San Francisco.
Mary went to City College, where she met Edward Gee. 5’9″ tall lanky, beautiful, strong, with a strong Southern accent, she was the only Chinese Southern Belle in San Francisco. She both attracted and intimidated guys who wanted to date her. Her sister Eugenia who came to San Francisco later, was the other Chinese Southern Belle.
Edward Gee’s family only lived a few blocks away on Pacific and Hyde. He had a large family. His mother Annie ran a Chinese sewing shop downstairs for the famous fashion designer Emma Domb. Mary, being tall, thin, and beautiful was able to wear these dresses. She loved fashion. She learned how to sew, and made clothes from the extra fabric in the sewing shop.
Mary and Eddie married, and lived in one of four of the Gee family flats above the Chinese sewing shop. Auntie Lucille’s family, Uncle Herbert and Grandma and Grandpa Gee lived in the other flats. Mary would walk to work at her parent’s Chinese Laundry, bringing her first borns, Richard and Liz to work with her.
They moved to East Palo Alto after Marilyn was born, because Eddie got a job at Lockheed in Sunnyvale. Discrimination returned, but Mary was well equipped to handle it. This move pulled her away from the joy of living in San Francisco, away from the Chinese community and her family. She was depressed, felt alone and isolated in the rough surroundings. There were no people to be friends with, and it was a tough job raising four kids with no support during the day. Only Eddie was there in the evenings and weekends to help her and to be her companion.
Mary became a Stay at Home Mom, which was unheard of in poor Chinese families. Gigi was born in 1959. Gigi was the only child they had when our Mom was able to be at home full time. Gigi was the only one that she breastfed.
We were poor. Mom taught us how to sew. I sewed all my clothes. Gigi and Marilyn might have also. Richard also sewed.
Mom eventually learned how to drive. She would take us kids on outings, to Palo Alto, and near by areas. Her brother John, eventually married and moved to Seal Beach, and then Cypress. Mom would take us to visit and go to Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm, Sea World, Universal Studios and to the zoo in the summer.
In 1965, Mom and Dad moved us to Foster City, to a beautiful house on the lagoon. Life was even better for Mom, where she joined the Foster City Chinese Club, and became active in the community.
Cars at the time, didn’t have seatbelts or headrests. Mom was not a good driver, and had several car accidents, which impaired her sharpness. Mom was a good mother, and gradually became a spacey mother. She sought out medical treatment at Kaiser, and then with Chiropractors and Acupuncturists.
With the kids grown and out of the house, Mom and Dad became more social, playing Bridge, and having dinner parties with friends, and Eugenia and Dennis Oh. They got a time-share in Lake Tahoe right on the lake, which they would go to from time to time.
Mom eventually took a job in Gift Wrapping at Macy’s which extended her social life, and re-opened her work life. Dad taught Mom how to be a bargain shopper. They eventually taught all of us kids. She took us shopping, and taught us not to buy anything that wasn’t on sale. Life was good.
I married Kurt. We eventually moved to Portland, where Lauren and Aidan were born. I would come down to visit and take Mom on outings in the summer. She loved taking photos of flowers, so we went to public gardens and took photos of flowers together. Dad only visited us once in Portland. He was too allergic to all the pollen, so Mom came by herself after that.
She would visit us in Portland, where we continued going on outings to public gardens in Oregon and Washington with Lauren and Aidan. As the years went by, we went to the Seattle Aquarium and to the Pendleton Wool Mills tours. We went to the Oregon Coast to the Tillamook Creamery tour, and the Kite Festival in Lincoln City.
One time, she came up because she wanted to watch the Forth of July Fireworks in Seattle with me. It was so much fun. One time when I was visiting her in Foster City, she took me to watch “The Joy Luck Club”. Then we went to a Chinese Restaurant and shared our feelings about it. “The Joy Luck Club” touched on so many issues that we experienced in our own lives.
As with the Cycle of Life, after Dad died, Richard and Kim eventually found a place for Mom to live in Cupertino. Mom, being so social made lots of friends, continuing to charm people with her innate Southern charm. Life was good.
I would call her periodically and visited her a few times, until one phone call, I asked her if she was going to Richard’s for Thanksgiving. She said “Who’s Richard” She said she was going to Kim’s for Thanksgiving. After that, Richard said that Mom was diagnosed with Dementia, and not to bother coming to visit, because she wouldn’t know who I am.
She loved living at Chateau Cupertino, which had their own bus service to take residents on outings around town. One time, she was late during an outing, and fell running for the bus. This was the beginning of the end. She had broken her neck, and had to be moved to a place that had Nurses, Physical Therapists, and increased care.
Mom was not happy about this move. I called her, and she told me how she hated the in-house movies, Physical Therapy, the dining room, not being able to go anywhere, and being away from her friends. Her innate Southern charm eventually attracted a boyfriend who also had Dementia. Life wasn’t all bad.
Eventually Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. All along, Richard, Kim, Derrick, Eric and Gigi cared for her. Eric’s mother died of Alzheimer’s. His experience helped our family get through this a lot. It was hard on them to visit, witnessing the slow decline of cognition. In the end, Richard explained to me that with Alzheimer’s the brain slowly disconnects, cognition being one of the first areas to go. The last areas to go was the brain disconnecting from bodily functions. How profound, that with Alzheimer’s, Mom’s conscious life disconnected slowly faded away before her body did. One of the last times that Gigi and Eric visited her, she had a characteristic grasp of consciousness responding to them, before she faded away.
Mom lived longer than anyone in the Jung and Gee family. This is a testimony to the care that she got later in life. All along, Mom and Dad truly loved each other, and now they are together again.
References
2. A Chinese Laundryman Takes The High Road Against A Verbal Attack – Chinese Laundries (wordpress.com)
3. Amazon.com: John Jung: books, biography, latest update
4. William Foor Hotel History and Memorabilia (foorgenealogy.com)
5. Vintage Fashion Designer Spotlight: Emma Domb – The Vintage Inn